Be.

setting healthy boundaries is essential to having peace of soul…. I’ve allowed myself to experience, and endure unhealthy relationships (on every level) time and time again which I now know with each one was an opportunity to set healthy boundaries, and if I hadn’t learned my lesson the first time another opportunity always presented itself for me to do what I knew was right for myself again, and again until I finally got it….that’s grace. I haven’t always passed with flying colors obviously but I can say I have been a recovering undercover over-lover here (overcoming codependent) for over 10 years now. The journey has been boiled down to one thing: Don’t compromise listening to Every nudge you receive.  Codependents have this huge fear of being “wrong” not as much in their own eyes as in the eyes of others. We are over sensitive about how our actions are perceived and effect others, and depending on where we are in the healing journey we can totally neglect our true selves just to have a “friend” or “two”. We can be silent about what needs to be addressed immediately just to “keep the peace”, but if you read Ecclesiastes 3 you will see there is a time for war, and sometimes ain’t always what you perceive to be the right time and of course when you are Libra Rising you want to make amends always and not disturb the harmony but I said this before but: there is no true harmony unless your on your own note. Resentment sets in when you don’t say fully how you feel without fear of reaction or lack thereof. A lot of times I just don’t feel like talking but that’s something I must overcome in some instances because silence is often interpreted as agreement or compliance.  I am overcoming this by realizing that it doesn’t matter what others think of me or my choices as long as I’m being 100% true to myself and I inner-stand myself. I don’t always operate out of love, and no one does and if they tell you they do RUN!! (And I’m not joking that’s one of the most sadistic and narcissist things you can claim because none of us have arrived at that place if so we would have no need to be here still learning our lessons.) I don’t agree with the meme “Our Vibe Attracts Out Tribe” because it doesn’t really matter what we attract ..I mean reality is we’ll attract many things in this lifetime to gather lessons…more so I’ve learned it’s what I attach myself to “religiously” or in “blind faith…it’s what I keep choosing more than what I attract. Attraction is very shallow btw on a certain level. It comes and it goes. It’s what we allow to take root and grow that’s TRUE tell-tell.

Going against everything you know to be true (intuition & facts) to still do and please, and trust, and honor, and care with “hopes” that these things will be viewed in the correct light is not love my dear…. It’s sickness. It’s trying to conjure love, and not trust love to grow. (Manipulation at it’s finest in order to fill a void (real or perceived) Larger than that it’s not trusting that you are eternally loved already and that people don’t really have the power to abandon you anymore because you’re no longer a child. . My first encounter with narcissistic abuse happened before I was even out of my mother’s womb which opened me up to re-wounding several times throughout my life. I am Plutonian so it was bound to go down, and finally I can  honor and I fully accept my path of radical transformation, and going through deep painful abuses (other and self-inflicted) to come to the place I am on this here 27th day of February of 2017.  Personal power feels foreign when your used to not having any from it being taken and from you giving it away in lack of realization that it’s a vital part of what makes you-YOU.. For some of us true anger, rage, fear, hurt, even happiness, excitement, glee, bliss all feels awkward because we numb ourselves in efforts to hope to not disturb the “peace”. Peace at all costs only produces a very frustrated, secretly enraged, disengaged, life. To fully be alive is to be you at all costs. I haven’t paid anything in full but my truth, and that truly hasn’t cost a thing..if anything it has added abundance in all forms. It will cost you smoke screens and facades, but that’s really nothing anyway. I am leaving you with one of my favorite mantra’s I just did for my journey:

 

“I cancel the self-victimizing act of giving people credit for things in my life that they have not contributed, all in attempts to alter my reality. My whole truth is more  inner-powering than billions of broken half-truths, that are really lies. Fairy-tales served to protect my inner child, and myself when I was a child from going insane. Now it’s insane to hold on to these same fairy-tales and blissfully hold fast to my truth.”

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