Sketchbook Diary Excerpt:
( I was intuitively drawing eyes in between writing my feelings, and thoughts this day. The eyes are the window to the soul. Some people have “dead eyes”. No matter how much love they proclaim to have you can see the emptiness clearly without even trying. Just eye gazing can be protection, and direction.)
I love eyes. Abuse tries to cover them from seeing life, things, and people as they ARE.
For this I’ve missed out on experiencing so much beauty in my innocence.
I have empath/plutonian eyes.
They can light up a soul with love, and be a soul excavator.
No more pretend blindness.
I once chose to be blind but now I choose to .
There is much joy in taking my personal power back, and re-embodying my inner child. I now realize each tear I cried I was fertilizing her beautiful orchard . Now she can eat her grapes and peaches with gladness of heart.
Abuse suffocates the physical eyes, and the third eye.
Normally abusers try to convince you to not see what you really saw physically, and spiritually.
Last night my mate asked me to read with him he got the bible and brought it to me and I said “what do you want to read” he said “I don’t know, pick something” when he opened the bible right where it was it was in Ephesians where Paul was teaching about spiritual warfare. I said hmmm every since I started my crown chakra, third eye, throat, and heart journey spiritual warfare has been an reoccurring whisper in one way or another, but not just like the daily nudges or reminders I get but bold themes, and happenings just in very subtle ways.
Abusive people have spirits. Yes it’s them choosing to act on what the spirits suggest but ultimately they are making the choice to continue, which is why we have to protect ourselves, and what we deem of value at all times, and the only way to do that is to see clearly, AND have the will power (solar plexus balance) to speak to what we see, and make moves.
For so long I wondered where my inner child had gone. What had killed her? What happened to my fully functioning spiritual gifts that I had? What happened to my bliss? What happened to my childlike and very playful nature? (I never truly lost all of this and I am thankful, I have used it to survive some very, very harsh conditioning.) When had I become to critical? (I always had been exacting, but not critical). What made me start paying too much attention to my environment, which left me spent, and in the negative in the areas of pleasure, and spontaneity?
The thing I missed the most was my spiritual gifts…but I realized I had traded my spiritual identity/ authenticity for false acceptance (lies) just to be present in different environments and relationships, which wasn’t true presence at all. They were fronting, and I was too. No shade because there is no shame when you walk in your truth (lovelight). So many things and people present themselves as “God-Like” (and this term has revealed it self more and more, and more as I become aware) and when you have low self-esteem and you haven’t gone that far, or anywhere in the abuse recovery, and specifically for me: co-dependent recovery and ACOA recovery process you will mistake people’s cloaks, for their true heart’s intent, because really all your life you’ve been surrounded with in-authenticity and people living double lives that you tend to attract that continuously, because on some level you have duality (double-mindedness) too because you haven’t been standing in your personal power, so sometimes you agreed with the disrespectful and dishonorable even though your eyes and heart KNEW different, so after a while you become spiritually in-authentic (blind) and your gifts lose their power. You become like what you secretly have seething hate for (untruths), but yet because you’re not willing to be separate, and your solar plexus is weak..(low self-will) you’re constantly surrounded by what you hate, and it FEELS like victim-hood. (This is the strategy of the enemy of our souls –Satan, and his children.)
You’re no victim even though when you were a child you were. When you become an adult…you’re just choosing to remain in a “child’s place” if you feel like you’re obligated to consistently subject yourself to abuse & dysfunction in the name of love.
SANSKRIT NAME OF THE SOLAR PLEXUS CHAKRA Manipura – which means, “filled with jewels.”
Don’t cast your pearls to swine.
The enemy of your soul come s to STEAL, KILL, and DESTROY.
It feels so good to not only see things clearly again, but to act on what I see. I have been doing this for a while now. The old me would go along to get along and in the end wondered why I didn’t feel pure bliss. Stop choosing death over life, and you will never have to question your existence.
SEE WHAT YOU SEE.
Abusers want your life-force. They don’t want you to see spiritually (intuitively) physically, or see what The Most High is showing you (intuition & Holy Spirit).
Here are reasons for that:
Especially with the rise of all these “Master Teachers, Teachers and Gurus we need to watch what we are exposing our spirit’s to. Don’t be fooled. If they have already “arrived”, from my observations and experience they rarely have even set foot on the path. You know them by their FRUIT. Test EVERY spirit.
Not by their yoga poses, their natural hair, their chanting, their meditating (or claims thereof) crystal carrying, their elaborate abstaining practices, the services that they offer, who they rub elbows with, what they “post” to be, their “lingo”, but who they truly are, and you only get that from personal one on one experience that’s why I refuse to allow myself to be sucked in this “digital age guru” madness. It’s not wise. You don’t know people until you know people. Period. You have all your defenses down with individuals that are possibly not being led by good spirits… just good at putting on a show, but the people who really know them they treat like garbage when they don’t get their way. Basically behind closed doors when no one is looking they are different, but you find out soon enough what they truly are made of, or not (mostly it’s emptiness). ( I am referring to falsehood here, not true ones.)
How many messages and instruction have you ignored from The Most High because you thought about how you would be viewed by people? The Bible says that Elohim will draw near to us as we draw near, so how confusing of a relationship is it with divine Mother and Father to ask, seek, and knock, and then when it’s shown you distance yourself. How dysfunctional?! All because of fear of man, which is a great if not the greatest snare. Sometimes we are so busy trying to commune with people that we lose our higher spiritual communication. The enemy gets this going by causing so much confusion, and mis-inner-standings, and communication barriers in our physical reality that we spend so much time working those out that we totally miss The Most High, and after a while when we have fell into the trap over, and over, and over again our communication with our Highest guide is very distant. Watch and BE vigilant. The enemy and his children desire to sift us like wheat. This is why even more so now than ever I let my yes be yes and my no be no…anything further is from the evil one. (Father of Lies) So that way the confusion won’t be coming from me. My eyes are full of light, and my speech is firm and clear. Two things confusion can’t tolerate. Good riddance.
I’ve always loved my felow Capricron Sade, and this song is the song I dedicate to my inner child (though I won’t tell her right when she’s wrong because that’s not of love, and I am i no way a soothsayer..lol) other than that this song resonates with my inner being on every level. Sometimes I feel love songs are songs to the self, or certain ones sound like they should be self-talk/motivation tools. Must we romantisize everything? lol Ok I’m done. InJoy.