Have you ever felt like you could share your honest emotions, with the faith that what you really felt would be supported? After all how someone feels is not subject to our agreement or disagreement. Healthy people don’t ask us to agree with them, they just ask us to acknowledge and support us in our feelings. When we share how we feel we are just being emotionally honest. Well…in an emotionally dishonest society you are labeled and called many things when you actually express your feelings, which is sickness, and which is why in unions that in and of themselves are perfect ( how they were designed to meet our social needs, and needs for deep connection) : parenting/ bearing children, marriage, courtship, sibling hood, friendship, and more we experience the exact opposite. What was designed to create deeper bonds of intimacy: (honest expression, sharing of emotion= emotional honesty) actually creates the opposite (disconnection, frustration, discord, and separation)
How do we correct this? How do we validate our loved one’s feelings, and not take their state of feeling as a personal attack against ourselves?
I have disconnected from a few beautiful people solely based on the fact that I wasn’t truly being heard, and was blocked from true expression. After all, you’re not really present in a relationship where only bits and pieces of you are acknowledged and accepted. I made a vow to myself that anywhere I couldn’t fully show up is not a place that I need to be.
Sometimes we assume that because a person is sad, or angry (because these are considered “negative emotions”) that they are communicating to us that we are bad people, and that’s truly not the case, only an unbalanced ego would interpret it that way… (though you do have abusers who invalidate people regularly, and those are ones that are toxic, and you must separate from because they are not authentically walking in love. They are walking in deceit… claiming to love you but at the same time shutting you down, and out. That is very abusive, and confusing. GET OUT.)
Some people want you to feel and view things only how they do, and when you don’t and let’s say you are upset or angry about their behavior toward you, because they don’t know how, or just don’t want to resolve things because their way is the only way they will just let you go. Good riddance. People who truly love you see your value, and don’t discard just because you’re nor mirroring them (narcissist= they can only tolerate a reflection of themselves).
Let’s find healthier ways of being, and heal as so not attract invalidation, or tolerate it in deed, or in receiving it. It’s only as we stand against evil that it will not prevail. When we stand by and do nothing we invite these things in our homes, and it destroys communities.
Healing and Validating Sound Share: