Feeling the pain of no longer being frozen, or stiff, or cold in places I once was.
I’m sore. Moving again. Truly moving.
I always felt tremendously deep, and because of this my art, my love of life, my expressions have suffered via suffocation, and freezing what I feel. I avoided my feelings well because they scare me because they are so very powerful, and all consuming. I realize they belong to me now, and they don’t control me. I always knew that mentally, but I could never really make that apart of my reality. Also my deep wounding in my origins, laser-like intensity to be able to see things for what it is and accept it without any hindrances …and intricately built in self-defense mechanisms didn’t help (Plutonian Gal)..but now evolution is oiling and massaging those parts of me.
It would be hard to express this to people who have experienced my creativity because myself, as well as others feel that my creativity is breathtaking. Well I guess even that was just “getting by” …come up a little higher says soul…feel and listen to me more says my inner-child (Buttons is the name of my inner child. My paternal Grandmother gave me that name because of my eyes…she was a clothing designer, and she said my deep bright, large eyes reminded her of buttons..so she named me Buttons :). Listen to those deep feelings you get when you hear the notes to your favorite tune that prompts your beautiful voice to part your throat chakra, and share melodies from the deep dark vast blue. Fully feel those deep fast currents that run through you that feel like surges of pure light and eccentric life force when you see art supplies (lol). Deeply feel.
I have stop trying to “make sense” for a while now.
Why make sense..when I can just SENSE.
Intuition. Skin (feeling). Hearing. Sight. Taste. Smell.
My senses have always been heightened. I have found that this is a tremendous gift that I’ve somewhat sat on. I’ve been sitting on my pot of gold. Truly.
I am back singing again. I was reminiscing with my mate on my childhood days of recording myself singing over tracks, and how “adulting” really got me away from my second love..which is singing. I’ve sang all my life, and I have such a great ear…and it helps that my mate is a jazz vocalist, and plays keys a bit. His sense of hearing is very very very high. He can hear things I can’t and that makes me feel so good inside. lol It’s just fun to vibe and color with sound. It’s fun to paint and sound with the one you adore…we have that planned for an at home date soon. lol Well baby will be there too BUT it’s still a date because there will be kissing going on #muah
I find that I am approaching my latest art/ feng-shui/ healing venture with passion, freedom, and trust that I’ve never experienced before. Intuition over ego voice. Meditation is key here.
Anyways…unthawing feels sunny. It feels like waking up from a deep slumber and seeing all these bright hues. It feels like watching Mr. Rogers Neighborhood to me. It feels like listening to the Jackson 5 on Tiana’s mini record player. It feels like the first time I heard Stevie Wonder’s voice. It feels like bliss.